


Mess Her Up

by ohmarqueliot



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Kady's not very good with dealing with her feelings, Multi, Penny sees straight through her, Post S3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 06:41:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16153706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmarqueliot/pseuds/ohmarqueliot
Summary: She let her eyes drift to the end of the table where Julia was working on his toes. Her brow was furrowed slightly in concentration, and Kady pressed her lips together as a mix of resentment and discomfort blended into confusion within her. It was weird and frustrating and messed up, that Julia knew his body so well.Who better to help make a new body for her dead boyfriend than the person who was fucking his doppelganger?She wasn’t jealous. Julia could fuck whoever the hell she wanted to. Twenty-three could fuck whoever he wanted. She just wished she didn’t have to see it while she was working so hard to fix things for Penny.-------Kady can't stand Penny 23 - he reminds her of the Penny that she's lost, and seeing him happy with Julia puts a sour taste in her mouth. However, when he and Julia help her to bring Penny 40 back, her Penny helps her realise that maybe her feelings have more to do with Julia than she'd thought.





	Mess Her Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic with these characters but was actually one of my first ideas for this fandom, but I kept changing my mind about certain dynamics so it's only just gotten written. Thanks to the Free Trader Beowulf folks for the moral support!
> 
> I wasn't going to write Penny40 and Penny23 every time, but I thought it was fitting if Kady thought of Penny23 as just Twenty-three in a kind of spiteful way, so I went with it.

Smoothing her fingers over the clay, Kady pressed her fingers here and there, moulding the jaw into the correct shape. It didn’t need to be perfect – there needed to be the right amount of clay in the right places to ensure the spell would make the right shapes, but Penny’s soul and the spell would do the rest. She could have done it, she knew every curve of him, every bulge of muscle, every rough brush of stubble, but she was done waiting. Penny had been gone for too long, and she was so close to bringing him home.

 _They_ were so close to bringing him home. Pressing the underside of the chin up a little to create a better shape, she glanced up at where Twenty-three was adjusting the shape of Penny’s hip from the other side of the table. She couldn’t think of him as Penny. He might look like Penny and sound like Penny but he didn’t _talk_ like Penny or _think_ like Penny or _feel_ like Penny. She understood his desire to escape his timeline for a better one and begrudgingly respected that, but she also felt sick every time she saw him and was reminded that her Penny was just not here.

She let her eyes drift to the end of the table where Julia was working on his toes. Her brow was furrowed slightly in concentration, and Kady pressed her lips together as a mix of resentment and discomfort blended into confusion within her. It was weird and frustrating and messed up, that Julia knew his body so well.

Who better to help make a new body for her dead boyfriend than the person who was fucking his doppelganger?

She wasn’t jealous. Julia could fuck whoever the hell she wanted to. Twenty-three could fuck whoever he wanted. She just wished she didn’t have to see it while she was working so hard to fix things for Penny.

He’d given up so much for all of them, and she wasn’t going to let him stew in the Underworld for a second longer than he had to.

Julia’s brow smoothed out as she admired the shape she’d made before moving on to the next one. She worked quickly, methodically, with a serene smile playing at her lips, and Kady felt some of the tension leave her shoulders. She could do this, with Julia’s help. They could do this together –

Julia jumped slightly and Kady stiffened, looking around quickly for the cause but there was only Twenty-three, grinning at Julia. Dipping his fingers in the bowl on the table beside him, he flicked more water at her while Julia laughed, holding her hands up defensively.

That laughter felt like a knife in her heart, and she welcomed the anger that swelled high in her. “Are you fucking serious?” she asked quietly, raising her eyebrows at them when they both stopped to look at her. Removing her hands from Penny’s face so she could grip onto something and not ruin her work, she closed her hands around the end of the table instead, her fingers pressing hard into the wood.

Twenty-three shrugged nonchalantly, and Kady tightened her grip on the table so she wouldn’t reach over it and strangle him. “We’re almost done,” he said dismissively, still smiling faintly as though her irritation didn’t touch him. _Dick._ “You should be happy, not bitchy.”

 _Fucking what?_ Julia opened her mouth as though to but in, but Kady didn’t need her help in dealing with arrogant assholes. “Yeah, we’re almost done. So get the fuck back to work. If you’re not going to take this seriously then you can get lost and I’ll do it myself.”

Julia stepped around to her side of the table, but Kady shot her a warning look and she stopped a few feet away. She didn’t want comfort, she didn’t want to be calmed down, she just wanted to get this right. “You need our help,” Julia pointed out gently.

As much as she hated to admit it, she wasn’t wrong. She couldn’t do the spell alone. “Then stop fucking around,” Kady muttered, turning back to the clay body on the table.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught them exchange a glance, but thankfully neither of them pressed the matter, returning to the clay. Kady tuned them out entirely, focusing on getting the shape of Penny’s face right. Silence stretched out between them as they worked, but she honestly didn’t give a shit whether they found it comfortable or not – that was their problem, not theirs.

They were so close, and didn’t they realise how strung out that was making her? She couldn’t bear the thought of having to do all of this again if they didn’t get it right. She wondered if Penny was there, if he was watching her, but since they’d lost the keys she had no way of knowing. She’d have given anything to see him, to talk to him, to let him calm her down. She knew what he’d say: _Fuck these guys. Let them help you, but you don’t have to let them get to you. You can do this._ Taking in a deep breath through her nose, she let it out slowly.

_You can do this._

She was finetuning Penny’s neck, almost ready to move down to his shoulders when she realised Twenty-three was watching her. She met his eyes challengingly, and felt a flicker of surprise when his lip twitched up into a smile instead of looking away. The surprise faded into sadness when she remembered how Penny had never backed down from her either. “I get why he likes you,” Twenty-three said quietly. “He’s lucky to have someone like you fighting for him.”

Because he had the faintest clue about her relationship with Penny. She scowled at him, not needing or wanting his approval, and when she caught the thoughtful way that Julia was looking between them it just made it worse. Apparently unfazed by her reaction, Twenty-three shrugged and went back to work.

Eventually the other two announced that they were done, and Kady did a quick once over the entire clay body, adjusting something here and there and ignoring Twenty-three’s eye rolls as she did so. Her hands fluttered over his feet nervously when she realised that this was it, that they were done. There was nothing left to research, nothing left to mould – just the spell. Which was no mean feat, sure, but if it worked…

God, if it worked…

Warmth touched her shoulder, and she looked up to see a familiar hand resting there. The hand gave a gentle squeeze, and when she raised her eyes to meet Julia’s she saw only reassurance there. “Are you ready to bring Penny back?” she asked, her voice light and confident and exactly what she needed.

Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she smiled faintly in thanks and then took her position at the other end of the table. “Let’s get started.”

* * *

Her chest heaving and electricity flowing through every inch of her, Kady laughed at the soft choked sound Penny made when she lifted off him and fell back onto the bed by his side. He curled into her immediately, one arm slinging over her bare stomach, hot breath fanning across her chest as he pressed his face against her shoulder. “I’m not getting tired of that any time soon,” he said breathlessly.

“Me either.” Grinning unabashedly at the ceiling, Kady shifted so that her arm sat more comfortably around him. She trailed her fingers slowly up and down the sweat-slicked skin of his back, still marvelling at the fact that they could do this.

Actually see and hear each other without the help of magic. And to touch, and to feel…

She knew that it had been days since Penny’s soul had merged with the body that they’d made for him, but she hadn’t been counting. Once they’d reached her room they’d barely left it except for Penny to Travel out for food, for them to use the bathroom or to shower, and the last they did together more often than not. She was sure that the others were curious to talk to Penny, but she also didn’t give a shit about what anyone wanted outside of this room. There wasn’t any big something threatening their lives or magic or the universe, so she wasn’t in any hurry to cater to anyone else.

She was, however, happy to cater to the growl in her stomach. “Hey, Uber Eats. I could really use a sandwich if you’re offering.” When he didn’t reply she nudged him, and shook her head at the half-snort, half-snore that she got in response. “How the hell can someone sleep so much after being dead for so long?” she muttered, grinning despite herself.

Penny’s grip tightened on her when she tried to move but eventually she managed to slip out from underneath him and pull some clothes on. She paused by the door, looking back at Penny and letting herself really feel the happiness that swelled through her. She knew that she never would have given up fighting for him and she hadn’t let herself accept it as a possibility, but the thought that she might never see him again had always lingered in the back of her mind like the memory of a nightmare. And now he was here, asleep in her bed.

What more could she want?

The cottage was quiet. Josh was talking to some second years that she didn’t really know on the other side of the common room, but no one noticed her as she walked down the stairs. She heard the laughter before she entered the kitchen, but wasn’t expecting the scene she walked into. Julia sat on the kitchen bench with Penny standing between her legs. His hands were in her hair, hers on his shoulders, and they were focused on each other like no one else existed. Kady stood frozen as a passionate kiss turned into something softer, then was interrupted by soft murmurings and she felt like she was going to be sick when Penny opened his eyes and looked at Julia like she was his whole entire world.

That was how he looked at _her._

Except it wasn’t Penny – he was asleep in her bed, right where she’d left him. Feeling like her heart was about to beat out of her chest, she took a step back, then turned quickly when she saw them notice her. “Kady?” Julia called, but she was already out of the kitchen.

They didn’t follow her, thank god, and she made sure to lock her bedroom door behind her. When she turned back to the room, Penny was awake, leaning up against the headboard. “Hey,” he said, smiling up at her. “I wasn’t sure if you… Kady?” His tone changed from soft and sleepy to cautious and he sat up straighter. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said dismissively, walking past him to dig through her bedside cupboard for cigarettes. They weren’t there, but maybe they were in her bag. She’d only taken two steps when Penny’s hand closed around her arm and he pulled her towards him.

He’d shifted so that he sat on the end of the bed, the sheet sitting around his waist, and he looked up at her imploringly. She could just imagine him looking at Julia like that. “Talk to me.”

She scowled, frustrated. With Julia and Twenty-three just because, with Penny for pushing her, with herself for being so worked up. She wanted to leave, to blow off some steam by herself. She also wanted to be angry with Penny. It was easier than the alternative. “If Twenty-three loves Julia so much, does that mean you feel the same things?” she asked, hating the words as they came out of her mouth. She felt ridiculous, but that only fuelled her anger.

Penny was looking at her like she’d gone mad, and it wasn’t helping. “Are you kidding me right now?”

Pulling her arm away, she crossed them both over her chest. “The only thing that kept the two of you apart in this timeline was the fact that she wasn’t accepted into Brakebills. If she’d been here, you would have been with her.”

Penny raised his eyebrows at her. “You don’t know that.”

“How many other timelines do you think you were together in?”

“ _Neither_ of us know that,” he said, pulling the sheet around his waist as he stood up, the length of it pooling on the floor at his feet. “What’s gotten into you? This isn’t like you.”

Kady lifted her chin determinedly. “The fact is, some part of you must feel something for her. The feelings must be in there somewhere if the other you feels them, right?”

Penny shook his head in disbelief. “Kady, I don’t even _know_ her.”

Tilting her head, she pressed her lips together firmly. She wasn’t sure she even really believed her words, she just couldn’t get rid of the image of Twenty-three and Julia out of her head. She couldn’t imagine anyone not falling in love with Julia once they got to know her. “Which only helps my point. If you knew her, maybe you’d fall in love with her, too.”

Blatantly ignoring all of her signals that he should stay away, Penny stepped forward to close the distance that she’d made, grabbing her upper arms between firm but gentle hands. “I am in love with you,” he said slowly, his eyes intense on hers and she swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat. “I don’t know if you realised this, but I’ve had blinkers on since I met you. I can’t even _see_ another girl. I’m not going to go and fall in love with Julia.”

She eyed him warily, realising as he said it that that wasn’t actually what she was afraid of. “I just got you back,” she said, surrendering when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. Sighing heavily against his chest, she put her arms around his waist. “I’m not ready to share you.”

“You don’t have to.” He paused, then pulled back enough to see her face again. “And to be fair… if what you’re saying is true, doesn’t that mean I should be worried about you falling in love with other me? He is, well, me.”

She tried to be annoyed by his grin, but she’d missed that light in his eyes so much. “He’s not you,” she said adamantly, before letting herself relax a little. “Honestly, he just pisses me off. I couldn’t stand the thought that he got to be here and you couldn’t.”

His face softened again, and he pressed his lips to the side of her head before pulling her back to the bed. “Well, I’m here now.” Lying on his back, he tugged at her until she lay down beside him, resting her head on his chest. It rose and fell slowly with every breath, and she appreciated the reminder that he was here, and alive. His arm wrapped around her, his hand tracing long strokes up her back through her shirt. “Are you really going to let Julia come in between us?” His hand stilled. “Or me, get between you and her?”

Kady stiffened, not daring to look up at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, keeping her voice neutral.

She felt more than heard his scoff, but when she reluctantly tilted her neck to look at him he only appeared amused. “Are you sure? Because I know how much you love pushing people away. And it’s a good thing that Julia seems just as fucking stubborn as you are, but I wouldn’t count on that forever.” His hand came up to push her hair back. “But if you ask me, I’d say she’s at least as much in love with you as you are with her.”

And there it was, the part of the problem that she didn’t want to face. How could she deal with how she felt about Julia when she’d just gotten Penny back? She ignored the rest of his words – he couldn’t know how Julia felt, and even if he did, it wouldn’t be that. “Penny,” she began, not really knowing what to say. She couldn’t deny it.

She wasn’t expecting his hand to curve around her head, pulling her up towards him, and her fingers tightened on his shoulder when he pressed his lips to hers. “It’s okay,” he said against her mouth, kissing her again before she pulled back so she could see his face. “You think I wasn’t watching over you while I was gone?” His thumb moved to skim over her lower lip, a small smile on his face as his eyes followed the movement. “I’m cool with whatever makes you smile like you do for her.”

The last bit of her dark mood left her, and she was surprised by the strength of emotion still left in its place. She covered his hand with her own, leaning into his palm. What the hell had she done to deserve such wonderful people in her life? Her thoughts turned to Julia, and the bitterness that she’d encouraged in herself towards her just minutes ago. “I’ve been really fucking stupid, haven’t I?”

The corners of Penny’s eyes crinkled as his smile spread. “You think I’m dumb enough to say yes to that?” he asked, then grunted when the pillow that she’d pulled out from underneath his head collided with his chest.

* * *

 

It was dark when Kady slowly made her way down the steps into the common room, which seemed surprisingly empty for… well, she still wasn’t sure what day it was. Maybe there was a party somewhere else, or maybe some school related nonsense was going on. Who the hell knew in this place? She caught sight of Julia, and stopped thinking about where anyone else was.

She sat in the corner of the couch, feet tucked up underneath her and book in hand. The room was lit by the fire and a smattering of candles, but a pale ball of light hovered a foot or so above Julia’s book, casting a soft yellow glow over her features.

The bottom stair creaked under her foot, and when Julia looked up at her the smile on her face was as immediate as it was beautiful. Not quite sure what to do with the confusing way that spark of joy mixed with the regret and irritation that she felt at herself, Kady walked over to the couch, grabbing the half empty bottle of whiskey from the table on the way without pausing.

Dropping onto the couch beside Julia, she took a long draw from the bottle, relishing the way it burned her throat on the way down. Lowering the bottle, she stared at the label without really seeing it. “I’ve been…” she started but then hesitated, not really sure how to put it. _A bitch? An idiot?_

“I know,” Julia said quietly, marking her page carefully and putting her book aside. The ball of light shrunk a little and then disappeared, leaving them in the soft light from the fire.

Leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees, Kady took another drink and then held the bottle out to Julia. After a moment the weight in her hand lifted and she glanced sideways to see Julia taking a mouthful before setting the bottle aside. Kady sighed. “I’m sorry,” she said simply.

Julia shifted slightly, leaning in and wrapping her hand around Kady’s, and when she pulled on her arm she reluctantly twisted in her seat to face her. “Look, I get that it’s weird,” Julia said, looking at her earnestly before she laughed lightly. “It’s so fucking weird. But Kady, I’m so happy for you that you got your Penny back. You have no idea.” She squeezed her hand affectionately.

Kady’s mind went to what Penny had said to her, about being happy with whatever caused her to smile. She thought back to Julia’s face when she’d been with Twenty-three earlier, the way her eyes had been alight with happiness, and realised that maybe she should try and see things from the same perspective. “I’m glad for you too,” she said, her hand tightening around Julia’s. She tried a smile of her own and was happy to find it didn’t feel entirely forced. “Yeah, it’s weird, but you’re happy, right? And Penny’s back, so he gets a chance to be happy, too. Just…” It was a perfect picture. Almost.

Raising her brows slightly, Julia smiled at her wryly. “What? Do you think either of us could be happy without you?” Her face softened slightly. “We don’t have to be separate, Kady. My feelings don’t feel very separate.”

Taken aback, Kady watched her curiously for a moment, not sure if she meant what she hoped she meant, then thought, _fuck it_. Wrapping her free hand around the back of Julia’s neck, she leaned forward and closed her mouth over hers. She felt Julia’s smile widen against her lips before she parted hers and Kady didn’t need any further encouragement. Deepening the kiss, she let go of Julia’s hand to slip her arm around her waist.

Julia’s fingers threaded through her hair for a moment before drawing back to touch at her cheek. “Don’t you think it’s meant to be?” Julia asked, and Kady laughed, not sure where she was going with this. Pulling back, Julia grinned at her unapologetically. “That you and Penny have each other, that we have each other, and then I found Penny, too?”

 _That we have each other._ Those words rang in her ears, that she counted their relationship as highly as the others, and she felt the truth of that through every inch of her. Still, she smirked. “I’m not sure that I believe in fate.”

Julia screwed up her nose. “Well, I don’t know if I’d use the word fate, but it does feel _right_. I believe in that enough for both of us. For all four of us.” She paused. “Although I don’t know if Penny has it in him to love himself like I love both of you,” she added.

The words came out so casually. “Fuck,” she said, huffing a disbelievingly laugh. Surely it couldn’t be that easy. But then Julia was pulling her close, pressing her soft lips against hers, and it was the easiest thing in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


End file.
